Sunday, March 25, 2007

The Ordinary Life

So i finally changed my profile. It's a lot shorter. Thank you Lut C and Kris for the strike-through recommendation. Blogger had different ideas about my plans and refused to cooperate. Oh well, what's new.

I've been reading about personality types and it's been enlightening. First, i bet y'all didn't know that i was the romantic type. What? The romance-writer-wannabe didnt give it all away? Who knew the romantic types could have such bitchy (haha! take that blogger) sardonic edges.

According to enneagrams, I am prone to melancholy. Ooooooooh, well, that explains it.

Actually, if you delve deeply into your type, it aint a pretty sight. For romantic types gone amuck with their personalities and lives and relationships, according to enneagrams, they must accept the "ordinary life" to return back to center. That means, the melancholiness of my soul would disappear if i could simply accept my plain, ordinary life. Simple.

Well, for all those non-romantic types out there, accepting the so-called "ordinary life" is precisely, exactly, perfectly equivalent to accepting a life without biological children. Would you believe that it was one of the first thoughts that occurred to me, mean, that's it? This is my life? It's not the stuff of my fantasies? It's just this ordinary blahdom? After all my work and fantasies and praying?

Striving for the "ordinary life" (where i've always sought and pursued and wanted the extraordinary life) as a path to peace is kind of a sobering thoughts. Sometimes, i can hold onto it long enough to feel a peace and then, just as quickly, it slips away and suddenly i'm facing a bleak, boring life. Life really sucks. That's the reality for the romantic types. The life in their dreams is so much better and reality never ever matches it.

Ok, i dont mean to paint such a bleak picture. In reality, if the romantic-type, aka me, could simply be present and live in the present and not in a fantasy filled world where i get to go frolicking through the rides at disney with my kids, if i could just set that aside and realize and appreciate that i have a full life without that fantasy running through my head, i could be happy, even happier than i am in the fantasy-filled version.

But, it's just been a hard sell. The fantasy filled version seems nicer and funner. It's what i know. I dont want to change. I like being stuck in my ways, absent from the moment, in love with an illusion, taking deep swims in melancholy. What's wrong with that? That's a GREAT life! heh.

Monday, March 12, 2007


There's nothing new. I realize that i spend 2 weeks of the month wishing and hoping and wanting and crying and then 2 weeks not. Two weeks on, and two weeks off. Wax on, wax off.

I wonder if i'll get to win an emotional karate competition at the end of all this.