Showers Are For Weeping

I had a real rough day today. I was invited to two showers, one baby and one bridal. I usually try to avoid baby showers, but this one was my husband's neice's. How could i get out of it? I showered and dressed and then started crying. I just couldnt go. I could just see myself crying the whole way there, holding my breath through the shower, and crying the whole way to the next shower? And, then what, show up with puffy eyes like i've just been attacked by the stork?

So, i begged dh not to go to the baby shower. And he relented, once the tears started rolling. How could he say no to those? Anyway, but i was totally emotionally drained after that. I didnt feel like going to the bridal shower either. But, it was for dh's good friend, and i really meant to go. But i was just so out of it. I debated, but in the end i went.

Mistake. I didnt know anyone well and most everyone was either younger than me, way too much older than me, or just my age with a few toddlers attached. I gravitated towards the one woman who was sort of my age, had two little girls and was pregnant. But i've seen her at parties before and she was always so warm with me, and i never took the time to meet her because she was always toting a toddler. But today, when i saw her pregnant, i decided i cant wait for her to get out of the toddler stage to get to know her.

So, it was nice. I was right about her, until she asked me how many kids i had. When i told her none, the conversation came to a screechingly eery halt. It wasnt her fault. She didnt know. But i felt bad. Really bad. And then suddenly it felt like there was nothing left to talk about. (In reality, she got busy with her two kids.) The woman on the other side of me began a conversation with the woman next to her about when she was going to "start" trying for her next child. So i was just really trapped.

It didnt help matters that i already felt bad before i came, or that this lovely woman brought her lovely mom with her. So, double wammy ... or should i say double mommy ... ha ha ... welcome to my shower, here's everything you dont have but always wanted, enjoy!

I just know one thing. I never EVER want to go to another shower again.

EVER.