Dawg Daze of IVF

Thank you everyone for your kind, thoughtful recommendations to while away the time. So much to do, so little time. The problem is i get really bored at work. By the time i get home, there's limited time to start a project, even cooking (sadly, sniff, sniff). Interesting that Nikkinix suggested a tree house, (which is precisely the thing i like to do, along with scrapbooking, play(writing), chocolate making (and eating), and even cleaning house), because last cycle i got into planning a deck. I figured that if the ivf failed, at least i'd have my deck to cry on (i know, it makes no sense. tell that to a woman on stims). Anyway, the ivf was a bust and so was the deck. Our taxes went through the roof and there went our entire deck budget. Fun, fun times.

But, in the end, after confessing to my struggles with this two week wait before the real two week wait, I ended up settling down on two crochet projects, a backpack and a winnie the pooh. Suddenly, i love winnie the pooh. That is definitely drug induced.

And then i took Friday off and we went away to Wisconsin. Of course, we forgot the medicine and had a huge fiasco with that. Basically, we forgot to bring enough dosage of the stims. The insurance wouldnt cover a new vial without prior authorization and phone calls to every manager in their department, who do not happen to work on weekends. Then i called 4 drug stores, the last one having a box... for THREE HUNDRED THIRTY DOLLARS, which was worth it to me (it's the drugs i tell ya) to save the mini vacation trip and the 4 hour drive back home. In the end, the friends we were staying with had their oldest son drive to our house, pick it up, and drive back. Thank God.

Then i cooked a massive amount of food. Morroccan couscous with lamb and vegetables, Indian creamed spinach and corn (Yum-O), taboule salad, ground turkey and peas served over basmati rice. Did i mention that the next best thing to eating is cooking. Love that.

And that was it. Before you knew it, the weekend was over.

We drove an hour and a half back when i discovered that i completely. forgot. my. crochet. projects. I cried the rest of the way home. And all through Monday. Well, the thing is, i finally finally found something to fill my time, ya know? This after the long dry spell. And it was too late to turn back, we had to see our cats and get home in time to go to bed to start the next work day.

Today, i missed the train, caught another one, but sat in the crap cart ... you know, the one with the bathroom, i hate those, then the guy next to me is playing his music loud enough so it's an annoying buzz in my ear the whole ride. Normally i have my own headphones to drown out the nonsense of other people, but i FORGOT THAT TOO! Between the "sanitized" bathroom smell (which smells like an airplane bathroom but still disgusting to me) and the buzz in my ear, i had a peachy morning.

And, i just feel like crying ALL.THE.TIME. I dont want to be at work. I dont want the added stress of having to get up at a certain time, finding something to iron and wear, catching a train, so i can come to work and wait for the day to move the heck on.

Three more days until the week is over. Just three more days. Everything else is moving along similar to last cycle, which make me feel like this is going in the same direction as the last cycle. Needless to say, depressing.

I cant wait until this is over. I want my mind and body and emotions back. I feel occupied and preoccupied by drugs. Everything i normally do cant get done. I'm just waiting. And again, all of my toys have been taken away. I would restart the projects, but i cant get those instructions anywhere. Ever notice how crochet has been on the decline in the past 10 years? This is a topic for another day. Suffice it to say, if i ever see an interesting pattern to crochet, i buy it, regardless of whether i want to actually do it in the near future.

I started a new drug yesterday. Menopure. It's supposed to help with the dip in the estrogen that we had last time.

Speaking of the drugs ... is all this stuff supposed to refrigerated?