Friday, June 30, 2006


So i'm having the longest and worst PMS in the history of womankind. It started ...well, remember last monday? .... I mean the one before this week's. Yeah, and my period aint due until July 5ish. In the meantime, I'm cranky, irritable, weepy, and starving all the fricken time. AND, to make matters so much worse, i keep wishing AF wont come. I know, i've sunk that low. I was doing much better, but this month and last month, i've been having the longest pms! I think it's one of those untold side effects of ivf. No baby for you, but here's some lingering symptoms to make you wonder about it even more.

On top of all that, i feel really bad. It may have to do with the following conversations i had with my mom and then later with my sis, and the fact that i'm gearing up for another ivf and it's worrying me more than i thought.

As you know, I finally told my mom about IVF 1, which ended, at the end of April. She had no idea that i was even thinking of doing IVF. So i told her about it a few weeks ago. The conversation went smooth, actually, and i was pleased enough on my end that i wasnt emotional (which is natural for anyone doing ivf) because my mom isnt emotionally supportive in the least (which is why i never told her about it).

Anyway, she calls me up a few days later to say:

Mom: I spoke with my friend (a spirit-guru-freak)
Me: ahuh (rolling my eyes)
Mom: Well, she's checked out your energies (spoken with the spirits, i think) and looked into your life and she says that the reason why you cant have kids is because you're not aligned to have kids with your husband.
Me: What? (as in WTF!)
Mom: Yeah, that's what she said. (long pause)
Me: What? I don't understand how this is helpful. What am i supposed to do with this information (Why the hell are you telling me this?)
Mom: Well, she says that each of you can have kids with other partners, just not with each other.
Me: Huh? (WTF?)
Mom: Yeah, that's what she said.
Me: I dont see how this is helpful or why you're telling me this.
Mom: She says you're blocked and you have blocked energies
Me: (Please stop talking) Well, ok, thanks for the call (dont bother calling me again)
Mom: Oh, and she also said that she cleared your blockages. So, you can have kids now.
Me: What? (Why did you wait 5 minutes to tell me this bit?)

See what i mean, NO COMFORT there.

So my sister is going away on vacation, but she'll be back mid August. I need someone to be there for us on the double retrieval/fresh tese day at the end of August. We almost did a fresh tese in ivf 1, but we couldnt arrange it with his doctor, who was away at a conference and we were confident that we didnt need one in the end. Anyway, when i tried to arrange the fresh tese on ivf 1, you need to also arrange for rides, one for you and one for him. See, he's going under and so are you. And, you're not even in the same hospital/clinic. So, you need 2 rides. At the last one, i had made an arrangement with my SIL to do it, dh's sister. She agreed, but then the days got screwed up. So when the time neared and i called to double check with her, she thought that we had done the procedure the week before and that she had made other plans already (and that she meant to ask us how it went, even though i called 5 days after the date she expected to be on call).

Anyway, i was pretty upset with her inability to be there for us and basic lack of care. She said that she had an ob/gyn appt. Hmmm, .... cancel your appointment and be there for your brother and sil who never have asked you for a single favor EVER orrrr keep routine appointment.

So when i told my own sister that this had happened and that it upset me, she said that she and her husband would have been there for us FROM OUT OF STATE (across the border).

Anyway, so guess what Fertile Soul goes ahead and does this time for ivf 2? Yes, she remembers what was said at last ivf and thinks that her sis will be available for her at ivf2. So here's the conversation:

Me: When do you get back from your vacation?
Sis: Middle of August
Me: When does school start?
Sis: After labor day, i think.
Me: ok, well, we're doing another ivf cycle, starting in july and we may need you guys for the procedure at the end of August.
Sis: what exactly do you need us for?
Me: I will need someone to drive us home after the surgery.
Sis: Surgery? What surgery? You mean procedure.
Me: No, dh is having another surgery, another tese (weren't you paying any attention the first time?)
Sis: And why cant you drive?
Me: because i'm going to be under on that day too.
Sis: ooooooooooh. ... ok. Can you give me an exact date?
Me: No, i cant even give one to the doctor who has to do the surgery.
Sis: So you dont know when exactly.
Me: Just end of august.
Sis: How many days do you need us?
Me: Just the one day. ... Well, from the early morning, so you might as well come over from the night before, since you live so far away.
Sis: i dont know about my husband's schedule, i dont know if he has to return to work before the semester starts, so i will have to check with him.
Me: great, thanks.

ok, why cant somone say, yes, i will go to the moon and back for you on that day, just tell me what you need because i know you're scared and i want to be there for you.

Can you imagine having her with me on retrieval day? A very pregnant her? God, what will i do? I think i'd rather go alone.

And so i am feeling really bummed, pms-y, and sad. I wish i didnt ask my sister to come. I dont know who else to ask at this point. I hate when i ask someone to help me with something that's EXTREMELY IMPORTANT TO ME and they whip out their calendar to check out their availability, frown, and say "um, i dunno, maybe." Ok, forget it then.

I guess a cab is always an option, it'll be a good $100 for each of us.

Ok, back to my corner, where we have crying and overeating on the agenda for another week. And i havent even started IVF 2 yet!


At 12:48 PM, Blogger Summer said...

Ugh! How frustrating it must be to deal with family who completely lack the understanding of how hard this is for you.

I hope you can figure something out for retrieval day.

At 6:43 PM, Blogger Meg said...

Fertile Soul - That is so viley crap and cringe-worthy. I am truly amazed that you managed to hold back in a conversation like that, which is just so offensive I can't believe it. Love to you. xx

At 9:42 AM, Blogger Sunnie said...

Can *I* please drive you to the surgery and back...goodness!

Your momma deserves a wet noodle lashing :)


At 11:44 AM, Blogger sube said...

Sorry you're not getting better support from your family. How frustrating. And that conversation with your mother was simply unbelievable. I think you handled it incredibly well.

At 11:05 AM, Blogger Wishing 4 One said...

Oh my God, a bumeria indeedy, I am so sorry. I can't believe your mothers comments, I was stunned when I read them. And watch when cycle two is successful (God Willing) it will be because of the spirit-guru-freak- but we know better. (smile)

You know, I wish I could come from Egypt and take you home, really I do.

Don't worry, cycle two will go fine. I too am planning cycle two in August, so we can commiserate/be nervous/happy/sad/etc. together and then celebrate our successful second cycle together online!!!!

Hugs & kisses to you...xoxoxoxoxo

At 6:03 PM, Blogger Kris said...

So sorry hon. If you lived near me (unlikely- no one in their right mind lives here) I'd be there in a heartbeat. Sorry about the lack of support. But, I'm so glad to hear that your blockages have been cleared. Snort.

At 2:02 PM, Blogger katty said...

That conversation with your mother was... infuriating.
My friend is trying to get pregnant with her husband, who has a very low sperm count. She has been told she has to have IVF/ICSI if she wants to conceive. She is nearly forty, so time is of the essence.
Her new-agey husband has told her that their fertility problems are not related to his low sperm count. Instead, he says, as a couple they 'are not in the right space'. When this magically happens, all will be resolved...


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