Sunday, June 04, 2006

The CALL ... From My Sister

You know, the one that got married less than a year ago? The one who was only 13 when i got married? The one who assured me that she didnt want to have kids right away? She called to tell me she's 3 months along. God bless her. No really, God bless her. I want for her what i want for myself. So, God bless her, dammit.

The thing is, really, i know this is going to sound so incredibly stupid but i just really really really never believed that she would have kids before me (call me stupid). I mean, i just really believed that we would at least be pregnant at the same time. And to think, that she was pregnant during our ivf. Ouch.

And now my belief has been shattered, and i feel lost at sea. Lost in a sea of my own tears. I dont know why that belief was so central to my world view. I always believed that we would have kids together, so everytime she would get close to getting married, i would think, oh, wow, you know what that means, my dreams might come true now.

I'm so silly. Slapped silly by my own incredibly stupid and unfounded belief. Is it any wonder that i'm into romantic storytelling? I've been telling myself a doozie for most of my life.

Oh, God. I feel so sad. What am i going to do without my sanity-keeping beliefs? Cry myself to death?

Maybe, or at least until i mourn this sad ending, which ever comes first.


At 3:11 PM, Blogger Sunnie said...

Ugh...sorry she was first.

At 6:52 PM, Anonymous Leggy said...

Damn, that's hard. I'm sorry.

At 7:23 PM, Anonymous amanda said...

I'm so sorry.

At 11:18 AM, Blogger Donna said...

I think we all have concrete notions in our heads about the right order of things, particularly when it comes to babies. I'm sorry you are feeling like a giant wave overtook you.

At 3:38 PM, Blogger zhl said...

Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. I felt the same way I found out that my 22-year-old niece was pregnant with number two before we'd even had number one. But it must be so much harder with your sister.

At 2:58 AM, Blogger Wishing 4 One said...

man oh man.... (are you smiling?)

Sending hugs to you from Cairo...and crying myself right now.

Thanks for all your kind words always- they mean alot!

At 7:50 AM, Blogger Kris said...

That is crappy. I'm so sorry. As if we don't deal with enough, just kick us while we're down. I got a baby shower invitation yesterday, as I'm bleeding profusely.

If it's any consolation, I've cried A LOT, and I haven't managed to cry myself to death. Of course, I've also mourned a lot, and don't know how successful I am with that.

I hope you find peace soon. And thanks always for your kind words.


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