The CALL ... From My Sister

You know, the one that got married less than a year ago? The one who was only 13 when i got married? The one who assured me that she didnt want to have kids right away? She called to tell me she's 3 months along. God bless her. No really, God bless her. I want for her what i want for myself. So, God bless her, dammit.

The thing is, really, i know this is going to sound so incredibly stupid but i just really really really never believed that she would have kids before me (call me stupid). I mean, i just really believed that we would at least be pregnant at the same time. And to think, that she was pregnant during our ivf. Ouch.

And now my belief has been shattered, and i feel lost at sea. Lost in a sea of my own tears. I dont know why that belief was so central to my world view. I always believed that we would have kids together, so everytime she would get close to getting married, i would think, oh, wow, you know what that means, my dreams might come true now.

I'm so silly. Slapped silly by my own incredibly stupid and unfounded belief. Is it any wonder that i'm into romantic storytelling? I've been telling myself a doozie for most of my life.

Oh, God. I feel so sad. What am i going to do without my sanity-keeping beliefs? Cry myself to death?

Maybe, or at least until i mourn this sad ending, which ever comes first.