Business As Usual

So, I got my period yesterday. I guess it's back to business as usual. I took off the week i was suppose to have the transfer. I couldnt go back to work right away, even though, physically and technically speaking, i guess i could have. But why?

Anyway, people have asked at work, how it went. It's mostly just a curiosity for them. Most of them just want to know if i'm pregnant, not understanding that it would take another 2 weeks of waiting. I just tell them it didnt work out. Then it's on to other news, what they did for the weekend, how they stayed in and watched the Two Towers because it was such a rainy day. As if that's comparable conversation?! Yeah, bummer for you, it rained so you had to stay indoors. How did you deal?

Anyway, today i feel such a lull. As if the numbing shock has finally worn off and i have post-ivf-failure dumps.

It's just so blah today. It could also be pms.

In the meantime, we got a call about a baby in need of adoption, but the prerequisite is that one parent has to be a stay at home parent because the baby is sick and needs a lot of trips to the doctor. First off, i'm not in no mood to discuss adoption. Second, i dont want random community women calling me asking me if i'm interested in adopting, as if they have any say or control in it actually happening!

What else? I'm really just a tad irritated today. Just a smidge.

I caught up on some of my old blog haunts. Ouch. Word to the wise, it's hard to read ivf blogs when yours just failed. Heck, it's hard to see our ivf drugs still beckoning to us everytime we open the fridge. It's just sad. Sad again that you're stalled and stuck. Failure staring at you as it stands right next to the ketchup. It's wrong. Leave my ketchup alone, dammit.

But I dont want to throw the drugs away. We're going to try this bag of fun one more time, with a fresh tese. But, we have to wait 3 months while we try a new drug (Cue I Wanna New Drug music). It's actually an old drug, but not usually prescribed to patient's with azo + high fsh. We decided to stick with our urologist because, it turns out, he's the head of his department at a major university AND infertility is his specialty. He was not around for our retrieval because he was away at some urological conference for a urological association which he also heads. Anyway, he says he met another doctor from Egypt that used clomid on patients with unobstructed azo and high fsh (where it's often used on patients with low fsh) and found improvement in 25% of his patients. This is not a study, just his experience.

So what the heck. We're going to try it for 3 months. That and Maca. Does that do anything?

Who knows. I'm so sick of this subject.

And i'm just so tired.