Another Day on the Rollercoaster

Step right up to the next adventure in the ivf world. Today, we begin with the following conversation (in a previous life i was a playwright) from a woman in the Embryology lab, who was returning my call from last Friday:

Lab: You said you had questions about the tese.
Me: Yes, i was wondering ... if my husband is going to be at a different location when the tese takes place, how does the sperm actually get to the fertility clinic?
Lab: We give you some petri dishes. We recommend that you pick them up the night before. Then you will have to bring them the day of the tese.
Me: Right. How does that work, when i'm going to be under on that day and technically, i will be at the lab with you and not him?
Lab: Oh. Is this a fresh tese?
Me: Yes.
Lab: In that case, whoever takes your husband to the hospital will have to bring the tissue in the petri dishes to our lab on the day of the aspiration.

Ok, show of hands ... how many of you are picturing the Amusement Park episode of the Brady Bunch, where the kids run around the park to find and deliver the architectural plans for their father? C'mon! They're going to give me, moi, petri dishes to entrust to my friend or relative to have the wherewithal to be alert at 7 am in the morning to deliver LIVE HUMAN TISSUE of my good husband's in time for the aspiration at the hard to find fertility clinic? Jeez Laweez, you gotta be kidding.

There's no one i feel so comfortable with to do that. My mom and dad dont even know we're doing ivf. His mom and dad passed away. Sooooo, back to the sis? Oh,and i just found out that we might actually be aspirating while she's still on vacation. So, sis is not an option. Who then? You think Jan and Marcia are up for hire? They did some good running.

After crying all morning, i called to see if dh's good doctor will even be around for the tese. As you know, he's the president of some urologocial association and he just came back from Brazil. So he's BUSY. He might be traveling in August, due to his other commitments. But the nurse will give him the message. Oh, thanks.

More crying ensued.

And, i ate a huge monstrous feta cheese salad, with a big bowl of ice cream for dessert, when I WASNT EVEN HUNGRY at 9pm, RIGHT BEFORE BED.

Move over Hurly, here comes the big fat fatty. I probably wont even fit on the aspirating table.