Sunday, January 28, 2007

Babies Are Stressful

My sister came over yesterday with her husband and baby...and, strangely, i felt nothing drudge up from my own infertile woes. I did not wish i was in her shoes; i did not wish to have a baby; i did not lament for a single second that we are forever childless. Isn't that odd? Especially when i've been telling y'all how sad i've been about this little infertile factoid of ours?

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that my sister has not had an easy time of it. I've never seen a baby cry 24 hours straight with 10 minute breaks only for sleep. He's better now but still uncomfortable with the prospect of suckling and pooping.

But he's much much better. So much so, we were even able to go out for dinner with nary a peep from him. But just watching her with him, i felt so stressed out. And i have another friend who's pregnant and i feel so stressed out for her. I dont know how she's going to manage, working full time and juggling a toddler and a newborn. She plans on quitting her job but i cant imagine how she can afford to do so. Stress, stress, stress.

So, here i am feeling stressed out for all these new moms. I do not envy them at the moment. I do not even want that. I want to get some peace and quiet back into my life, settle back into a routine, sell a novel or something and launch a new career as a writer because frankly i don't know how i would be able to have a baby and work full time. And it's not that i have grand ideas about being a supermom who works full time and has a family (i'm really the opposite), but i can't afford not to work at the moment, unless of course we can sell our novel and then maybe i can work from home as a writer.

So, i guess the moral of the story is that i would like to be able to afford to have a baby in the first place. Yes, having them is nice and all, but not when the bills keep you up at night. I mean, i guess it's still nice on some level even then, but not as nice.

Well then, i guess it's a good thing that i cant afford a baby because we aint having any anytime soon anyway. So there!


At 11:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I bow to you. My dissociative skills aren't nearly good enough yet to not feel envy at all. They say practice makes perfect...

At 10:47 PM, Blogger linda said...

i find myself feeling totally envious when the mother has no idea how difficult it is for the IF to get or stay pregnant. when they gripe that they "aren't sure" if they want to have a 2nd, 3rd, or 4th child. like they have the liberty to choose. wtf? that pisses me off.

but when it's a fellow IF who gets pregnant, i feel a momentary bit of envy, but i also feel true joy in knowing that yet one more of us has beaten this damned situation.


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