Monday, February 27, 2006

We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled IVF Entry For a Test From The Emergency Babycasting System

Ladies and gentlemen, on the very day that we went for our first appointment, we received a call that went something like ... "Hello, there's a two-week old baby orphan girl in the shelter waiting to be adopted or fostered by a family with a similar background to yours, would you be interested? Hurry now, or the offer ends."

Can you BA'LIEVE IT!? We were floored. What to do? Two week old orphan baby? What a PERFECT AGE to adopt.

But then IVF. It's now or never. It's now. That ship has rolled up the anchors and just about sailed. Just about.

What to do? Jump at the chance to adopt OR stay the IVF course????

Here are the problems. We're not licensed to adopt. And we dont know the first thing about it. All we know is that at some point during our infertiliy journey we decided that we'd like to. You think the department of family services will accept that? There's a chance we could petition the department of family services to help us get licensed and facilitate the adoption paperwork etc., given that the orphan baby's extended family (the one with first rights to adopt) specifically stated that they wanted this baby to go to a home with a similar background and given that this background is in short supply among the pool of adopting parents in the area.

So what to do? Switch gears, and pour all our energies into getting adoption papers? And then, what if it doesnt work out? And we miss the ivf boat? Or what if we do ivf, and it fails?Then we miss the perfect opportunity to adopt a baby of the perfect age? Or do we go for broke and do both? Can we? Should we? Is it humanly possible?

Oh, but then, is this some sort of test? Like, now that i've made peace with infertility and adoption and we've been allowed back into ivf kingdom and given a second chance at having a baby, is this some sort of test of what i've learned? Like do i really want a baby or do i really just want a pregnancy (plus baby)?

Ay yay yay!

And then i realize, that my biggest fear in adopting is what if i dont love her? Well ... what if?

So far, the social worker on this case has not returned my calls. This may all be a moot issue, as the child may be an adult by the time decisions are made in her best interest.


At 1:11 PM, Blogger GiBee said...

Oh, what a blessing you have... an opportunity for BOTH. Not many people have that option.

I would truly say... consider both. Adoptions sometimes fall through, and IVF's sometimes don't work. If I had been presented both options, I would have pursued them both with equal vigor.

And just as an affirmation ... your heart has room for both children. And -- you can and will fall in love with them. BOTH of them. Whether the child is biological or not. You will be pleasantly surprised!

At 4:36 PM, Anonymous Leggy said...

Found you via a comment at Thalia's- read through your old blog and this one. In reading between the lines, I think we have much in common that we don't blog about.

What a tough choice. Good luck thinking it through.

Also, how in the world did you get a referral before even having a home study, et al? We have been on/off with adoption for years and after our latest IVF failure are back on again. But I find the whole thing daunting- domestic or international? What country? What agency? Would love to get a call like that because at this stage in my IF the choice would be easy. For you and your stage, I can see why its agony.

Good luck with your decision.

At 4:26 PM, Blogger Donna said...

Wow. I would have to say since you asked, I would pursue both. The worst (or best) thing that could happen is you end up with two babies. You can and will love any child that comes into your life, because your want to have a family.

At 6:04 PM, Blogger Coloratura said...

Oh wow... what a dilema! But I think yse, if you have the energy for it, go for both. I don't know your age or circumstances but some IVF chances are on the low-end... I wish you luck on your path!! And thank you for your comments today, I really appreciate it!


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