Monday, February 13, 2006

Congratulations! You May Now Join the Select Ranks Of IVFers!

As odd as this may sound, i am excited to be joining the ranks of the ivf-ers. I always thought that i would try it at least once, if all else failed. Not only has all else failed, but there was a spell of time where dh and i were permanently infertile. Not only were we told that we didnt produce the goods to make conception possible, but that even if we did, we'd pass on severe genetic defects. Oh glory.

But glory is God, as we've since discovered that doctors can be wrong (still find that hard to believe) and we've since been welcomed back into ivf kingdom (did we really want to go there?)

But now we're here. After 15 years of ttc and trying everything but the miracles of modern science, it's time has come.

Our first appointment is March 15 with the RE. I dont know a thing about the process, except what i've read on other blogs. I dont know what to expect, and i dont know how long after March 15 it will take for things to get rolling. And best of all, i dont even know if this is covered under our insurance! Depending on the time of day or who i speak to, i get a different answer from my insurance company.

Soooo, needless to say, i is scared! I dont likey needles and i aint got no money.

But be that as it may, i'm interested in trying this. For the first time in my life, i'm actually looking forward to it. I always thought that when i got to this point, all real hope would be over for us and that i would be trying this as the last ditch effort. And that if it failed, life would be over.

Um, well, all real hope was over us, life was over, and this actually is a last ditch effort. The only difference is, i dont fear it. I think before i used to think that if i did ivf and it failed i would not know how to go on. I would not know how to recover. I think i have a better idea now about how to handle my disappointment (yeah, right) ... Well, at least i dont fear it (ha ha).

Ok, the truth is, i'll probably face some disappointment and lotsa fears, but at least now i see it as an adventure into my womb instead of a scary journey into the deep scary.

Welcome to the journey of the fertile soul. I look forward to hearing from others further along this journey with tips on where all the pot holes are. I'd prefer a map, please ;)


At 1:00 PM, Blogger Summer said...

I followed you over from your previous blog. I just wanted to say that I'm rooting for you!

At 3:26 PM, Blogger Lori said...

I sincerely hope your IVF journey is successful. There's room in this world for more miracles.

At 10:20 AM, Blogger GiBee said...

Hi! Found you at Julia's blog... Just wanted to let you know that I understand EXACTLY what you're going through... all the fears, second guessing, what if-s, and what if not-s... Including the FIFTEEN YEARS OF INFERTILITY! How ironic is that?

If you ever need any encouragement, don't hesitate to shout out... For now, know that I'll be thinking about you during these first few steps, and checking back to this blog to see how you're doing. And... don't fear the needle. You're much bigger than it!!!


At 10:05 AM, Blogger Thalia said...

Sorry that you had to join our club. Someone a while back did a post on what to ask at your first appointment, let me see if I can find it for you.

At 10:26 AM, Blogger Thalia said...

There you go. Make sure you read the comments, too.

NB Cass (who wrote the post) is pregnant now, in case you're feeling sensitive.

At 11:21 AM, Blogger Stephanie said...

Congrats on the next big step! We never actually made it into the ranks of IVFers, but we had some seriously good times with rusted needles and highly toxic hormone cocktails for a few months! Ah, hormone-hell...the good 'ol days! Look now I'm all nostalgic!

At 11:26 AM, Blogger MetalChick said...

Delurking to say...I am happy you are out of mourning and you have hope again. I hope your journey ends soon and with a baby in your arms.

At 8:10 AM, Blogger Thalia said...

Ha, I've just realised that it's ms mournings and nights, sorry I hadn't clicked before. Welcome to your new space!

At 6:48 PM, Blogger Donna said...

Still here, cheering you on, with no advice to give, just my shoulder.

At 2:56 AM, Blogger Pamplemousse said...

Oh its you!!! I was wondering who it was. Enjoy your new digs!!


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